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Because we are far too in awe of the boy-beast that is Macaulay Culkin, we could not bring ourselves to attend his reading at Barnes & Noble last night. Thankfully, a reader willing to face Culkin's bright, shining star reports on the scene:

there were goths, preps, old ladies and everything in between SCREAMING when he walked into the room. also, his girlfriend - that girl from That 70s Show [Mila Kunis] - was posing for pictures with a smug look of amusement while drinking her venti iced starbucks drink. there was a deaf woman who brought up a blown up picture of him which i'm not sure whether he signed, she left in tears and hugged a security staffer. i had no idea he still had a following.

also in the book (which is apparently fictional) he says the nickname for his penis is Floyd.

Better, we suppose, than calling it "Kevin."

Related: Book Excerpt From Macaulay Culkin's 'Junior' [ABC]