The attorney for South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone issued this official statement to us via e-mail late yesterday addressing the Scientology-clowning, Tom-Cruise-baiting "Trapped in the Closet" episode that Comedy Central quietly disappeared on Wednesday night, reportedly because of threats Cruise made to parent company Viacom. And yes, it's really from their lawyer:
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
So, Scientology, you may have won THIS battle, but the million-year war for earth has just begun! Temporarily anozinizing our episode will NOT stop us from keeping Thetans forever trapped in your pitiful man-bodies. Curses and drat! You have obstructed us for now, but your feeble bid to save humanity will fail! Hail Xenu!!!
-Trey Parker and Matt Stone, servants of the dark lord Xenu
While one might admire the crazy bravery of enjoining Hubbard's army in a million-year war, we'll be even more impressed if Parker and Stone put their thumbs in the eye of the executives who may have caved to Cruise's pressure. How about something in a "very special episode" in which the animated Cruise returns to South Park, offering the chained pair of Paramount head Brad Grey and Viacom CEO Tom Freston to savior Stan as human sacrifice? Or, you know, at least another amusing press release calling Viacom Cruise's "corporate bitch."
And in the interest of fairness, Page Six passes along Comedy Central's official explanation: "In light of the events of earlier this week, we wanted to give Chef an appropriate tribute by airing two episodes he is most known for."
- Previously: Report: Blame Cruise For Yanked 'South Park' Repeat [Defamer]