The Da Vinci Code's First Porn Prodigy

Defamer brother site Fleshbot shares their review of a spunk-filled tribute to a blockbuster that hasn't even been released yet. That's right— The Da Vinci Load may offer even more Vatican ire-raising intrigue and thrills than its source material. A synopsis:

Operatives of the Priory of Semen, including penile profiler Dr. Nadia Saint (Missy Monroe) discover that Leonardo Da Vinci painted the Mona Lisa using his own sperm. Determined to resurrect Da Vinci and overjoyed that the master s sperm was not all lost up a man s ass , they steal the painting and kill anyone who gets in their way.

Gripping stuff, and proof that you don't need A-list talent like Tom Hanks to sell your thousands-year-old penile-profiler conspiracy stories (though it never hurts). Meanwhile, in non-semen-painting-related Da Vinci Code news, a London judge in the copyright case accusing author Dan Brown of having stolen the ideas for his hit novel has promised a ruling by April 13. And finally, a Da Vinci trailer remix. No, no longing glances between Tom Hanks and Alfred Molina—just a hilarious amount of quick edits of symbol-laden imagery and thundering sound effects, letting you know just how much of an Important Movie this is.