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Wherein we invite our readers to submit themselves to the relentless, nonsensical cross-examination of humpy E! gossip-prosecutor Ted Casablanca and guess the identity of his weekly blind item. Get excited, for while Ted returns to the exploits of one of his most cherished characters, these antics involve both the consumption of cocaine and same-sex canoodlings. Pump your fist in time to One Slurplicious Blind Vice:

Ted sez: "Hey, you raunchy-ass readers, have you missed our nose-candy-lovin' party-doll, Pixie Mixie? Me, too, kittens. And, apparently, there's a little something that Pixie herself has been yearning for: Sapphic tongue-tangling. So, she indulged recently—and how. Yay for Pixie! Yay for us! Twas a chillin' night at a palatial pad belonging to one of Pixie's many fake friends. Just a few chicks gathered around the glass table, snorting and gossing—alas, not playing much mah-jongg, as these babes are way too young and tirelessly cool for that. Suddenly, assorted rail-thinistas looked across the room and saw P.M. making out, "hard-core, tongues heavy," with a gal-pal, so blurted one of the babes who hasn't eaten since Cher had her real body parts. Too hot.." Read the item.

You say: Send your guesses to tips[AT] with "blind" in the subject line, and we'll post the results later today.