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Wherein we invite our readers to allow humpy E! gossip-alchemist Ted Casablanca to transform their leaden minds into gold by puzzling over the identity of his weekly blind item. This week, Ted strays from the "straight actor is secretly gay" dirt, but still manages to squeeze in some anal sex. Flip over for One Tuchis-Time Blind Vice:

Ted sez: "Now, Wilmer Valderrama may have a self-proclaimed big unit (or not, I'm going to ask Mandy Moore the next time I bump into her). But never mind size. After all, today's broad-shouldered bohunk, Dingle Tingle, isn't exactly hugely endowed....Let's just say that while most of Ding's dumbo hetero partners in bedroom piracy are concentrating on a woman's more traditional erogenous zones, Ding thinks more outside the box: Yes, that's right. Mostly, myopic men gun, cumbersomely, for the front door. Not our Ding, he rings in slowly, oh so seductively—and with the cunning of a ferret out only to please—for the rear." Read the item.

You say: Send your guesses to tips[AT] with "blind" in the subject line, and we'll post the results later today.