Fighting server issues and fidgety comment accounts this week, Valleywag readers bravely soldiered on in the War to be Witty.

openwag only gives dictation to doctors:

Just a BA/BS? No Ph.D required to schedule meetings and pick up dry cleaning? Shocking.

Adam Michela knows what Google will do with the new stock income:


Blackjack has voyeur pics of Paul Otellini:

I'm "imagining" it will be more likely the geeks in charge will embed tiny functional wireless cameras in the stars, make the footage available by subscription at, and send all the profits to their bank in Belize.

Now that'll be "embarrassing last-year technology" once it's discovered.

openwag is pre-ordering on Amazon right now:

It's what I've suspected all along — Larry and Sergey are getting a record deal. Soon we'll be rapping along with the Google Guys on such hits as "Flex My 'Plex" and "Sweet Marissa". Larry, of course, will bring oulandish Hawaiian-print shirts back into fashion, while Sergey will make it rufus to wear tight-ish black sweatpants, white socks, and dorky white sneakers. Sergey's hair will be out of control, as usual.

Yeah, this will be when they crash and burn.

Veronica prefers multiple-choice quizzes:

First of all, this is way too much math. We have computers to do math now.

Second, how many points do you get for joining Friendster, quitting Friendster in protest, and then re-joining to find estranged family members?

PARose calls out Larry Ellison the hipster:

Oh Gawd! His collar is actually up?