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Wilmer Valderrama's career and baffling popularity is a testament to the utter randomness of the Hollywood starmaking system: That no matter how thick your accent or thin your talent, you too can ride your 8-inch Latin love rocket to the top of the Hollywood pecking order, perhaps even taking a Mandy Moore-type's cherry along the way. As followers of all things Valderrama have surely gathered by now, any interview will inevitably hit upon one of two subjects: 1) Valderrama reflecting on how to take his career to the next level; and 2) Valderrama reflecting on the actresses he's nailed. Sometimes, however, such as in a profile in today's NY Times in support of his new MTV schoolyard insult competition Yo Momma, there's room for both:

Despite his reputation for being a man about town, sauntering up red carpets, downing shots of Patrón at the hottest hot spots, "I'm really focusing on the next chapter of my life," he said. "I've got to keep growing as an entertainer, keep challenging myself." [...]

That afternoon, Mr. Valderrama, dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt and smelling of the cologne Drakkar Noir, was quite willing to discuss the women he has dated over the years. Mandy Moore was "the first love of my life," he said. "I was madly in love with her. She is one of the most wonderful women I've ever met; a real lady." He and his Ms. (Lindsay) Lohan, meanwhile, "had a really passionate relationship," he said. "There were so many factors that played into our breakup. We needed to do a lot of growing up on our own."

Clearly something is drawing "real ladies" like Moore (and, um, "other" types like Lohan) to the actor; could it be the bewitching fragrance associated with so many an 8th grade social bathroom preparation ritual known as Drakkar Noir? We fear LA's velvet rope mafia is about to be infested with an army of Valderwannabes, reeking of the popular 1980s cologne, Polo collars flipped up and Vuarnets resting precariously on their heads, hoping to capture just a little of Hollywood's most charmed Venezuelan's lightning in a bottle.