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• Today in the glue-sniffing adventures of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, Star reports that Tom intends to keep his beloved quiet during childbirth by shoving an adult pacifier in her mouth. Childbirth never sounded so kinky! [Lowdown]
• Sources close to Whitney Houston wonder if her crack habits may have been worsened by her affiliation with a cult called the Black Hebrews. Yeah, that's right — always blame the Jews. [Scoop]
• Brad Pitt has backed out of George Clooney's plans for a casino, leaving his project in trouble. Now if we can just flood the project with false information, we can render it useless. [R&M]
• Congrats to Justin Loeber, who made it a whopping 3 months as Judith Regan's PR slave at Regan Books before fleeing for dear life. [Page Six]
• Bad news for ex-Mets pitcher Kris Benson: Your crazy-ass wife says you two are going to work things out. We're so sorry, dude. [NYDN]
• Are you a working actor without an ounce of name recognition? Stop a rapist, get on Page Six, and watch the scripts come rolling in. [Page Six]