Tom Cruise And Brooke Shields Once Again Connected By Childbirth

We were too drained by the rigors of childbirth to note this in the wake of the announcement of the Miracle Baby's arrival (the temporary deafness and disorientation resulting from the blast of celestial trumpets didn't help, either), but as many of you probably know by now, longtime Tom Cruise nemesis and dangerous street-drug addict Brooke Shields also gave birth to a daughter yesterday. And while Grier Hammond Henchy begins a lifetime as a foil for Suri "How do ya like them apples, Brooke?" Cruise, we imagine that the two won't meet until they seek each other out during their rebellious teenage years, download a copy of Endless Love to their PhonePods, and bond over their strange connection while smoking some dope. However, if this totally unsubstantiated bit of tinfoil-hattery we received in an e-mail last night is accurate, the two kids may already have crossed paths:

Interesting Katie Holmes did not have her silent birth at home — she had her baby at Cedars right next to the room where Brooke Shields gave birth to her baby today.

We find this a little hard to believe, but if true, Team Cruise pulled a masterful misdirect in attracting a mob of paparazzi to his compound. With the ravenous tabloid media distracted, they could then carry on their secretive business at celebrity-friendly Cedars Sinai St. John's*, where the couple could buy an unclaimed baby ("which one looks like a 'Suri' to you, Kate?") from the nursery in relative privacy.

*UPDATE: The hospital story wasn't as tinfoil-hatted as we assumed, as Us Weekly says that both babies were born at St. John's in Santa Monica.