Suri Cruise, the World's Most Unloved Child

Though it would seem that the world has finally come to terms with the fact that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes managed to orchestrate some sort of birth, there's still much confusion over the origins over their new daughter's name, Suri. Cruise's spokesperson has said that the name Suri has origins in ancient Hebrew as a variation on Sarah (hence the Kabbalah explanation), but its direct Hebrew meaning is less complicated:

"I really don't know what they were thinking when they chose this name. It's a term that denotes expulsion, like 'Get out of here'," said Gideon Goldenberg, a linguistics professor at the Hebrew University of Jerusalem. "It's pretty blunt."

As if the cards weren't already stacked against her, even the poor girl's parents are on the side of popular opinion. Can you put a toddler on suicide watch?

Cruise Baby Name Puzzles Israelis [Reuters]