Liveblogging the Google Press Squeeze: Refresh like crazy!

Right, you're gonna wanna watch the live feed of the Google Press Event with me, 'cause that's what we're liveblogging now. At work? I'll try to explain it all as it goes down.

9:35: Just turned on the stream. Pizzicato Five's "Baby Love Child" plays over the spinning Google Zeitgeist Globe. Audio quality is rough.

9:38: "Good morning, ladies and gentlemen...please turn off all cell phones. Our presentation will start in a couple of minutes." Screen still on the zeitgeist. New, lamer techno song starts. I don't recognize it.

9:45: Still just the globe and the "random Google searches" feed. Someone searched for "pope and jews."

9:47: Eliott Schrage, VP of global communications, steps to the podium. All right, let's liveblog this after the jump.

9:47: Google doesn't take journalists' time for granted, says Eliott. Now he starts some bullet-point list:
1. Journalists can ask leadership team questions
2. Greater transparency about Google. "Now of course, there are limits..." One theme, though, is localization around the world.
3. "We can help you all do a better job." (And then ban you for a year for learning too well.)

9:52: The wifi is down, says Eliott. Now they're showing a string of highlights from the last year. Froogle. Google Earth. Those Chinese lip-synching guys who were popular on, um, YouTube. "22 offices worldwide." Loud club music. Kai-Fu Lee headshot. Vint Cerf headshot.

9:56: CEO Eric Schmidt talking. Yadda, yadda, yadda. He's reading from notes on a paper. Still, he's learned a bit since those old public speaking classes.

9:57: Mashups, use of Google APIs are going to keep spreading. Whoa — "and add some real insight that *mumble* only humans can do *mumble*." Really, Eric seemed either reluctant or awkward mentioning those damn hu-mans.

10:00: Eric's punchlines fall a little flat. He's giving some tidy explanations of Google's vision, but nothing new and shiny. He tells a story: "How long will I live?" he asked Google. "I was told, 64. I found another answer, 82, I liked that more." Is it an intro into the much-anticipated Google Health search? Nope, he moves on to more strategy talk.

10:09: "There's room for all the companies that I named [Yahoo and Microsoft] and many more to be successful..."

10:10: Challenges for Google: Governments. Hmm. "The challenge to a corporation is to act responsibly when standards are not clear."

10:11: "The goal here is...to find the right path, through conflicting goals, which is consistent with the company." He alludes to the Google Print fight.

10:12: "I would propose the First Rule of the Internet — modestly: 'People have a lot to say.'"

10:15: Small screens on mobile mean Google has to work in different ways. (In other words, advertising's fucked.)

10:17: Google's 5-year plan: "The product that I've always wanted to build, we call Serendipity — tell me what I should be typing. Infinite world browsing. Cameras connected to phones, to computers, and everything working. Translation has got to be good." OCR phone. Constant connection to online communities. "Everyone believes the wireless data problem has been solved."

10:18: Strategy: "We're much more focused in user participation. Much more focused in partner participation." Video, blogging — Eric makes the international sign for digital convergence (or the "Schhhup" sign from Apple's iLife commercial — the one with that guy from "Ed"): two hands interlocking.

10:20: Eric finally puts down his notes to make better metaphorical hand gestures. Still reading them from the podium. Now he's just re-stating the mission statement.

10:21: "If there's anything I can end you with — leave you with..." Whoa, Eric, let's be a bit more careful with the Freudian slips! Revealing The Plan is for next year.

Now some technical guy's coming up. Go watch the stream yourself. But I think they're launching Google Health — this guy just brought up a search about heart health.

Google Press Day live stream [Google]