Valleyspeak: Real Networks is making jack squat

Remember Real Networks? (Only when you ignore .ram files, right?) The media-distro company may be dead in the water, but when CEO Rob Glaser (pictured) talked to the Guardian, he tried his damnedest to run on pure spin. (Drinking game: Every time the Guardian's Kate Bulkley asks, "So such-and-such?" and Rob replies, "No, such-and-such," take a sip — a SIP — of beer.)

Spin rule #1: Take what you can get.

Our business last year was $325 million, which was up from $266 million the year before and our most recent quarter was $87 million in revenue.

Rob, that includes $39 million Microsoft paid you from your $761 million anti-trust lawsuit. What's your business plan, sue a new monopolist every five years?

Spin rule #2: If you don't have anything nice to say...

RG: In Europe we now download over 100,000 free players a day.

KB: And how many paying subscribers do you have in Europe for your players?

RG: We have not broken out the number of subscribers.

Just like I "have not broken out" the number of supermodels I've slept with.

Kate Bulkley interviews Rob Glaser of Real Networks: the unabridged version [Guardian Unlimited]