This image was lost some time after publication, but you can still view it here.

Wherein we invite our readers to unlearn everything they thought they knew about celebrities, life, and the English language and submit themselves to the radical reeducation of humpy E! gossip-imagineer Ted Casablanca's weekly blind item. Today, Casablanca takes up the humanitarian cause of saving recurring Blind Vice character Morgan Mayhem from the powdery clutches of the White Scourge. Pinch one nostril and inhale deeply of One Employee of the Month Blind Vice:

Ted sez: "Once upon a time, there was a talented young lass by the name of Morgan Mayhem. Oh, could she act! She was such a good performer that bitchy rivals simmered with green-eyed jealousy. But one day, a big bad she-wolf in Kitson duds named Coco Cocaine came along. She seduced Morgan with her overly vibrant, come-hither eyes—prettier than Wentworth Miller's, even—and then, suddenly, the big fat studio pigs were very, very sad." Read the item.

You say: Send your guesses to tips[AT] with "blind" in the subject line, and we'll post the results later today. We're thinking this one's gonna be a landslide.