Realizing that their innovative method for distracting their employees from thinking about M:i:III's disappointing™ domestic box office performance by subjecting them to a sneak preview of their upcoming World Trade Center movie may have had its own set of unpleasant side-effects, Paramount today offered its staff some further stress-reducing options:
From:WorkLife Programs 05/12/2006 08:26 AM To: NotesMail_MelroseLot_MP cc: Subject: ReelFit Fair TODAY
Continuing our efforts to promote optimal health, Human Resources presents Paramount Pictures' ReelFit Fair
TODAY 11:30am - 2:30pm
32 HEALTH & FITNESS VENDORS along the Paseo at the Studio Store will provide food, beverage & nutrition bar samples; free blood pressure, blood sugar & posture screenings, therapy consultations, chair massages, fitness equipment demos; information on health benefits, local marathons, bike to work day, fitness discount offers, giveaways and special prize raffles! Don't miss it!
We've been assured by a recipient of one of the massages that they were performed by actual masseuses, not indentured servants in vaguely naval gear trying to convince knotty-muscled staffers that Dianetics is "like a vigorous rubdown for your brain," thereby not producing any further Tom Cruise-related tension.