Dina Lohan Rewrites 'War and Peace'

The latest issue of Star reports that the alpha bitch of showbiz moms, Dina Lohan, is writing a tell-all. Aimed at mothers who want to transform their innocent, talented children into floozy cash-cows, the book will be a guide to pimping and pushing your womb into a lucrative brand. Lohan tells Star's David Caplan (awkwardly pictured):

"I get so much mail each week from people asking me for advice. They ask me how I did it, they ask me how to find a good agent. I get hundreds of questions each week, so I just figured, instead of answering every question, I'll put it in a book and help people."

Dina said of the book, which she says is nearly written, "It's basically how to manage and how this all happened. It's about avoiding pitfalls. It's really to help other people. I learned something and I want to share it. And people want to know."

Among other things, Dina's shared knowledge includes a cheatsheet for tin-and-foil highlights, a handy lexicon of street dealer slang, and, by popular demand, a guide to understanding Wilmer Valderrama's netherregions.

Star Exclusive: Lindsay's Mom to Write Tell-All [Star]