Valleywag conference correspondent ConFonz goes gonzo with a final update from E3. Among the news from the gaming mega-conference: gossips say the makers of Oddworld were fueled by Mary Jane.
After much wandering in the scrublands between the valley and the sprawl of all the smog-covered walls of Los Angeles, the ConFonz found himself, finally, within the warm embrace of sobriety. While not completely certain as to his location once the booze, pot, and 4-Acetoxy-DiPT wore off, he was certain that the events of the past week were far beyond the comprehension of even his massively capable and verbose mind.
And those events began to slowly trickle back into the consciousness of your humble conference Fonzie. Memories like those of hurridly running from the press room to vomit. Memories such as those of being turned away from the House of Blues, despite being assured of list-worthiness on multiple seperate occasions from the PR firm behind the Best buy Access E3 party. Memories such as watching former Oddworld Inhabitants employees spoking a joint outside the Staples Center, and being told that Lorne Lanning encouraged all employees to imbibe in the wacky weed whilst working.
After the jump, ConFonz says why Sony's kaput.
Intimate details of the week's activities also included multiple instances of drunken shmoozing with pointless PR tools who jumped up and down with excitement over the Playstation 3. Of course, jumping up and down on top of the actual unit itself is likely to be the only way Sony can get the wonkin' circuit board and excess wires into the box they've created. From low Cell processor yields, to a case that's too small for the circuitry, to wired controllers on the budget version of the console, to SOE working on three Everquest clones at once, it's certainly looking like Sony is fucked. Did I mention that Sony is utterly hosed? By the way, Sony is doomed.
But the ConFonz also saw other delightful sights at the show. Despite his inherently bitter nature, the ConFonz is delighted to see the future of games unfold before his blood-shot eyes. The future looks bright for the games industry, and despite massive globalization, the heart of the games world is still in San Francisco and the valley itself. Enjoy basking in the warm glow of this industry's giant budgets, for when the gaming bubble bursts, we'll all be doomed to playing pong with pings.