How are you this morning? A little cold and gray out there, isn't it? Kind of rainy and depressing. Well, look, we hate to be the bearer of bad news, but we need you to sit down. We've got something a little... shocking to tell you, something that might change the way you look at life in ways you can't yet even conceive of. No, no, your folks are okay. It's just that, well - God, this is so hard! Okay, we're just going to tell you. You're an adult, we think you can handle it. Okay, here we go. The thing is... Britney Spears? Maybe not the world's best mother.
What? The tissues? Of course, take the whole box.