Monday Morning Box Office: Tom Hanks Is Bigger Than Jesus

Let the box office numbers be your ray of sunshine on this soggy Monday morning:

1. The Da Vinci Code—$77 million
Judging from the results of the last few weekends at the box office, moviegoers are much more interested in Jesus Christ's fictional love life than Tom Cruise's. Sony obviously learned a valuable lesson from the botched M:i:III campaign, and wisely refrained from filling the gossip rags with stories about the Messiah's suspicious relationship with Mary Magdalene and the couple's own Miracle Baby. The key moment in Sony's strategy of restraint came when they bravely resisted producer Brian Grazer's suggestion that the Son of Man crisscross France by bullet train, Vespa, Le Car, and jet ski, with the Word Made Flesh finishing up his action-packed promotional tour at Da Vinci's premiere in Cannes. Worldwide audiences, it seems, appreciated the tasteful rejection of this stunt to the tune of $224 million.

2. Over the Hedge—$37.2 million
Until the childcare industry discovers a solution for screaming five-year-olds less messy than good, old-fashioned, blunt head trauma, movies about wisecracking CGI animals will continue to be an incredibly profitable line of business.

3. Mission: Impossible III—$11 million
Huzzah! M:i:III has finally crossed the mostly meaningless $100 million mark at the domestic box office; self-congratulatory full-page ads in the trade papers to follow shortly.

4. Poseidon—$9.2 million
Huzzah! Poseidon has finally crossed the $36 million mark; full-page mass-suicide notes in the trade papers from disgraced producers and Warner Bros. executives to follow shortly.

5. RV—$5.1 million
We're going to pretend that RV has already fallen out of the top five a weekend early and refrain from further contemplation of Robin Williams' current movie career.