Twas the year before Google (or, A Visit from Saint Moneybags)

Like a mattress store desperate for another sale week, we're holding Christmas in May, thanks to this reader-submitted holiday poem about Larry and Sergey coming to town (On Mayer! On Schmidtty! On Vint Cerf and Blitzen!). Eight witty stanzas after the jump — so click through that mofo.

Twas the year before Google, and all through the web
A click was worth nothing, not even a cent.
The groundwork was laid, the market a bear
In hopes that a savior soon would be there.

The VC's embarrassed, all hung their heads
Still waiting for WebVan so the could be fed.
And me with my links and Larry with his math
Felt smart at Stanford; a prestigous path.

When out on the campus there arose such a chatter
Our idea was Gold, making money didn't matter.
Away to Sandhill we flew like a flash,
Hoping some sap would give us some cash.

The six letters on the homepage sure had a glow
Innocent and Friendly, not evil...you know?
When what to my wandering eyes should appear
But ads and ads and money, no fear!

Then came an old man so calm and so quick
We were much to young to manage this ship
More rapid than MySpace the users they came
And they clicked and they clicked...boy it was insane!

Hamsters and Drugs and Paris Hilton
Golf and Wine and Subserviant chickens
Click the top, click the sides, just click them all
Wall Street is waiting our options can't fall.

And in the quiet period before the stock was a buy
We chatted with Playboy, cause we're cool guys
So all over the papers the bad news it flew
But I kept my cool, and Larry did too.

And then like magic I heard on the Tube
Cramer go crazy for GOOG GOOG GOOG GOOG.
Before I could sell or turn around
Bill and Steve were staring us down.

They were armed with chairs and spoke loud and clear
"You're trying to be rockstars your doom is near."
So we drew up a plan and hired a crew
Cause MSN sucks, what else could we do?

Then we brought on Marissa to fend of the press
She's a nerd like us but terrible at chess
Her pretty blonde hair would distract them all
While we counted our billions for the earnings call

The stage has been set for the grandest of battles
We even built a fort outside of Seattle
Vista we hear, is what the attack will be called
I assume it will launch by the time I go bald!

Your constant delays inspire us to work
Making free stuff for all, to drive you berserk
Remember each time your finger hits the mouse
Your clicks are just dollars for our bigger house!