Superman Flies Around Earth At Speed Of Light, Changes Definition Of Weekend To Seven Days

Today's Variety reports that Warner Bros. will release Superman Returns two days earlier than originally planned, shifting the opening from Friday, June 30th to a new debut on Wednesday, June 28th, a move designed to create a (God please forgive us for writing this) box-office-boosting "superweekend":

The change in dates, designed to maximize grosses over the July Fourth holiday — which falls on a Tuesday — essentially gives the studio a seven-day weekend.

"We were always considering this an option," Warners Bros. Pictures prexy of domestic distribution Dan Fellman. "I'm glad that we are in a position to do it and take advantage of the summer holiday playtime."

We had no idea that studios could essentially redefine the seven-day interval known for millennia as a "week" as a "weekend" when it suits their accounting purposes, but why stop there while they're messing with time? They might as well add in the whole "month" of July and shatter all box office records with an unprecedented $270 million, 34-day opening weekend that will make X-Men's meager $103 million take look like a disaster.