• The ever-reliable News of the World reports that Britney Spears has signed "preliminary divorce papers." If she and K-Fed get divorced, perhaps it will pave the way for her true soul mate: the Manny. [NotW]
• Brad Pitt's parents have arrived in Africa to get a glimpse of Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt and, if we're lucky, sell any pictures they take to the highest bidder. [IMDb]
• Tommy Hilfiger gives his first on-record comment about his brawl with Axl Rose; the wee designer claims he was merely protecting himself from the inevitable sting of Axl's swinging cornrows. [Lowdown (2nd item)]
• Professional beard Penelope Cruz and Matthew McConaughey end their incomprehensible relationship. Remarkably, the world continues to turn. [People]
• The Phoenix Suns' resident Breck girl Steve Nash denies that he's having an affair with Nelly Furtado. [Page Six]
• Paris Hilton gets just stoned enough to navigate her way through the paparazzi and into da club. [TMZ]
• Tina Brown and Harry Evans continue to vigilantly defend their 6-inch garden wall from evil developers, who threaten to forever destroy their spring party-planning. [R&M (2nd item)]
• Dan Rather once said his 60 Minutes colleague Morley Safer should be "shot dead" over a crackling hickory fire that's hotter than the devil's anvil. [Page Six]

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