Uwe Boll Challenges Critics To Beat His Lack Of Talent Out Of Him

In a gesture that would indicate a final and complete severing of whatever tenuous bonds with the real world he had left, hack videogame-movie director Uwe Boll has come up with a novel way to answer his many detractors. According to Ain't It Cool News, Boll is inviting his critics to apply to win the opportunity to beat the living shit out of him, footage of which will end up in Postal, his shooting-rampage movie based on (you guessed it) the videogame of the same name:

Towards the end of the filming of Postal, the five most outspoken critics will be flown into Vancouver and supplied with hotel rooms. As a guest of Uwe Boll they will be given the chance to be an extra/stand-in in Postal and have the opportunity to put on boxing gloves and enter a BOXING RING to fight Uwe Boll. Each critic will have the opportunity to bring down Uwe in a 10-bout match. There will be five matches planned over the last two days of the movie. Certain scenes from these boxing matches will become part of the Postal movie. All five fights will be televised on the Internet and will be covered by international press.

If you find yourselves confused as to what boxing has to do with the fact that Boll makes unbelievably crappy movies, you're clearly overthinking the matter. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for critics to disprove the stereotype that they are all doughy, benign nerds who are only capable of rendering damage in the form of cutting remarks. As an added incentive, equals from the same publication are welcome to take the director on simultaneously: Whatever pay-per-view fees were involved, we'd gladly hand them over to see the NY Times' Manohla Dargis jump on him from behind and dig her thumbnails into his eye sockets, distracting Boll long enough for co-reviewer A.O. Scott to bring him down from behind with a sharp blow to the head with Pauline Kael's I Lost It at the Movies.