The Chosen One Performs First Retail Miracle

Showing a maturity far beyond that of the average seventeen-day-old infant, young Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt decided that curing the polio outbreak in her birth country of Namibia might be too showy an initial display of her powers, and instead opted for the more modest first miracle of assisting a Denver boutique in moving some overpriced t-shirts:

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's baby has made what may be her first fashion statement, appearing on the cover of People magazine in a $42 T-shirt sold by a Denver boutique and triggering a tidal wave of orders. [...]

"Obviously, if she wore something of ours, that would be awesome," Belly employee Janci Clawson told the Rocky Mountain News in Tuesday's editions. "But it was more of a `thank you' to Angelina for doing so much for women and children around the world."

Belly co-owner Janci Frisby said she has also sent clothes to Gwyneth Paltrow, Jennifer Garner and Gwen Stefani but got no response.

It deeply saddens us to see the Chosen One's first miraculous act tainted by the boutique employee's disingenuous claim that the gifted t-shirt was some kind of no-strings-attached reward for Jolie's charity, a sin compounded by the revelation that lesser celebrity offspring, whose mothers collectively can boast of no good work greater than keeping Ben Affleck in Starbucks money, were offered the same freebie. May Shiloh have mercy on their trendy baby clothes whoring souls.