Dozens Devastated By News Of Burt Reynolds Museum Closure

Showing an uncultivated lack of reverential appreciation for Cannonball Run, Smokey and the Bandit, Without A Paddle, and the rest of Burt Reynolds' timeless oeuvre, the Jupiter Town Council is attempting to evict the Burt Reynolds & Friends Museum from the location it's held since 2002:

The Jupiter Town Council is looking to sell the Burt Reynolds & Friends Museum building to make way for the Scripps Research Institute. Institute officials say the facility will bring hundreds of scientists to the area.

The museum, at a leased location, houses decades of Reynolds' memorabilia. It also hosts numerous film educational courses.

The museum's staff of 15 strapping, shirtless chorus boy graduates from the Burt Reynolds Institute of Theatre Training (BRITT) have very generously been offered replacement positions as butlers and spa attendants at the Dom DeLuise estate. The boys have been beside themselves since receiving word of the ouster, however, barely able to dredge up the energy required to pack up the soon-to-be-shuttered Toupee Wing, and send the contents off to their new home beneath the spotlit plexiglass display cases of The Eva Gabor Wig Museum in Palm Springs.