Aaayyy, ConFonz! Valleywag's best-groomed correspondent finds the dance floor and stays remarkably un-potty-mouthed at the IEEE Microwave Something-or-Other Con.
There are few things that can shake the resolve of the Conference Fonzie. This venerable vindicator of virtuosity and coolness has never found a conference that he couldn't lick. But despite his exhaustive exuberance, the Fonzie has his weaknesses. One of those is being late.
Horror of horrors, but the ConFonz missed lunch. The press room was devoid of the stuff anyway, but there was food present for the media, and by the time the Fonz went "ayeeeee," the trays were gone.
However, inside the show itself, the ConFonz was carrying more schwag than he could manage. From tiny transistors to company name printed out on sheets of copper alongside transmitter wafers and vibrating donkey detectior, the gods of the schwag were shining down upon these attendees.
Which was a good thing because it seems as though few of these IEEE folks actually get outside in the sunlight. Folks here looked a lot like they probably did in the 90's. And in the 80's. And every day since high school. Even the women all had that "Nerdy girl with the heart of gold wins the captain of the football team by dressing up for a change and actually wearing makeup" glitter about them. But sadly, nobody here could throw a football.
They sure could watch football though. The only booth on the floor with any buzz around it was the packed red cloister in which some enterprising wireless chip manufacturer had placed a TV showing today's games. You could barely get around the crowd.
Sadly, those in attendance were weary and lost thanks to toothless temps and a registration system that was obviously designed by an electric engineer (Please select the option of your choice below the line next to this line and choose the place to which you would like to register for your IEE 263 WMN-T si# receipt). The conference organizers obviously wasted all their dough on the Moscone Center and the food, so the temps, badges, and amenities suffered.