NBC aired the much hyped Dateline interview with Britney Spears last night (video above, or at The Malcontent), in which Matt Lauer accused the full-bosomed tabloid target of being alternately the wife of a loser, a redneck, and an unfit mother, though always deftly posing the insults in the form of "Some people are saying you're/calling you a..." and punctuating them with the blubber-inducing, "How does that make you feel?" And while he hit all the right topics, Lauer seemed too easily convinced her marriage was intact, glibly observing, "When I first came through the gate, the first person I saw was Kevin [Federline], so he's living here." (Perhaps K-Fed has been picking up extra work manning the driveway guard booth?)

The interview concluded with a tearful, gum-smacking appeal to the media for her privacy, and a kiss-off to Madonna and Kabbalah ("She's a very smart lady.") It wasn't all dispiriting, however, as at one point Spears revealed her enthusiasm for interior redecorating— which she terms "redoin'!"—and an obsessive compulsive passion for cleaning, divulging to Lauer, "Yes, I have a maid that comes once a week, but she slacks a little bit." The lazy employee is kept on staff, however, as she speaks no English, making her a handy scapegoat for the star's various troubles. When questioned by concerned authorities about her latest baby bobbling mishap, Spears always has the option of turning to the cleaning woman and saying, "But you were the one who tipped the high chair over when you were waxin' the floors. Didn'tcha, Consuela?" to which the unilingual domestic will inevitably nod enthusiastically.