Defamer has exclusively received what may be the first* documented sighting of the Miracle Baby, the heretofore suspiciously unseen newborn daughter of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. Writes an operative:
Tom brought the Miracle Baby over to the Amblin compound a couple of Fridays ago to take pictures of the baby with Steven Spielberg. Tom brought two giant black SUVs, a couple of REALLY large bodyguards, Katie, and the baby. I saw it (the M.B.) only from afar, but it looks like a regular baby.
Despite this reader's claims that the baby seemed of "regular" size from "afar," we're not yet willing to surrender yesterday's theory that a gene-manipulating accident rendered the child indefinitely unfit for a public viewing. It seems far more likely that Cruise and Holmes merely borrowed a "show" baby (there have to be dozens lying around the lab) to take on a visit to Uncle Steven, momentarily leaving his staff to contend with the 50-foot, diaper-soiling Colossus rampaging through his compound.
[*Unless, of course, someone else has already seen the baby and written about the experience previously. In that eventuality, we still claim that we have exclusively written nearly all of the words you see above.]