Sultan Of Sleaze Now Smells Like Paris Hilton

When celebrity smut peddler, David Hans "Sultan of Sleaze" Schmidt, stumbled upon his ultimate score—ownership of a repossessed storage locker full of Paris Hilton's personal crap—the affable kingpin was happy to share his plan to turn her stacks of childhood photographs, multi-volume bedroom conquest journals, and worn-out toys (sex and otherwise) into millions of dollars. It would appear Schmidt has no takers yet, however, as the NY Daily News reports that he ambushed Hilton recently by waiting in line at a Macy's to buy an $80 bottle of her Skank de Toilette and get an autographed photo. It was all a pretense, however, to give him the opportunity to offer to sell her the booty back:

The hotel heiress asked the dude how she should autograph her photo.

"Make it out to 'The Guy Who Has My Storage Locker Stuff,'" said David Hans Schmidt, who then introduced himself as the broker of the secret diaries, videotapes and snapshots that went on the auction block when she didn't pay her storage bill. "That stuff can't be published," the wide-eyed Hilton told Schmidt.

"Like your sex video?" said Schmidt, who has offered to sell Hilton's possessions back to her. (Just to jog her memory about the Hilton family heirlooms, he showed her a photo of herself as a little girl holding baby sister Nicky.) Hilton told Schmidt she'd meet with him in L.A. She also signed his picture: "To David, Love Paris Hilton xoxo."

Most of us would have a hard time relating to Hilton's choice to not only cave in to her blackmailer's demands, but to also compose an affectionate inscription for his 8x10 glossy. But while it may make no sense to us, there exists within these two scuzz kingpins' bottommost ranks a rigid culture of mutual respect: Any well-played move in the ongoing chess match of vulgarity between the Sultan of Sleaze and the Queen of Skank always deserves a tip of the hat.