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On Friday night, singer/songwriter John Mayer abandoned his lonely-chick rock persona for a moment and tried his hand at stand-up comedy. The singer went on as a special guest at the Comedy Cellar, where one blogger noted that he seemed "drunk or stoned, maybe both." Excellent! Some lessons learned from Mayer on the mic:

1) Women are sluts (If you're expecting a punchline were we. Didn't come.)
2) Lots of sluts have "unlocked their Masterlock" for him. Ew.
3) New Yorkers aren't really bothered much by terrorism. Cause there's like "Missiles and shit" constantly being launched at us and we're used to it. Um...right. Might want to quit while you're behind, John.
4) He lives up on a hill "away from the black people." (Danger, Will Robinson, danger)
5) If white people were allowed to use the 'N' word, he would use it about 1,000 times a day. And yes, Mayer did use the 'N' word during his act. Several times.

Rest assured, Mayer still thinks your body is a wonderland — unless you're black. In which case, your body is the 'hood.

Stay Far, Far Away From This Wonderland [The Man in Black]
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