While you spent your weekend in the city's apocalyptic heat, watching the polish melt right off your toenails, the pretty people of higher tax brackets were flitting about the Hamptons, mingling with cryogenically preserved old bags by day and skanking about Hamptons-outpost versions of Manhattan's best cheese factories-cum-nightclubs by night. Early Sunday morning, Jessica Simpson was thus found in her natural habitat, the Southampton extension of the Pink Elephant (no doubt giving her mane 100 strokes of the brush before even leaving her SUV). Daily News photographer John Roca dared to take pictures of the young skanklet, sparking the rage of security guards. A routine scuffle ensued, and security confiscated the camera's memory card, which also contained photos from two other News assignments.
As of today, the card has yet to be returned; Pink Elephant flack Jonathan Cheban (oh honey, we've MISSED you) explains that they "haven't been able to locate the card yet." On the bright side, Cheban and the club have offered to replace Roca's pants, which were torn in the melee. And you thought these people were assholes.