SuriWatch: Another Celebrity Baby We'll See Before Suri Cruise


We have a crucial piece of advice for Russell Crowe in the wake of his announcement that he's had another son: Go immediately to the People or Us Weekly and have the child's picture taken. This is not to avoid the same kind of suspicion that has befallen Tom Cruise for his refusal to appear in public with or release photos of his possibly imaginary child; no one thinks Crowe could be bothered to stage such a stunt. Rather, we think it's wise to create a public record of his infant's likeness, lest a desperate Cruise snatch the baby while the Crowes slumber (think an elaborate heist in the vein of the first Mission: Impossible, but instead of being suspended upside down over a computer, the hero is carefully lowered over the crib, careful to avoid the motion-sensitive mobile guarding the baby) for use in a photo shoot of his own, dismissing with a terse "Whatever!" anyone bold enough to ask him, "Wait a minute, isn't Suri supposed to be a girl?"