For too long in this city our WASPy meatheads have been deprived of a venue in which to indulge their tribal ritual of watching groups of sweaty men run up and down a field carrying giant, not at all phallic, sticks and tossing balls back and forth. The Observer reports that our great shame is now over: "New York has been awarded its first-ever professional lacrosse franchise." The team will play at Madison Square Garden, making it convenient for douchebags from Essex Fells to take their SUVs through the Lincoln Tunnel to attend games.
See, we told you we'd make up for all the Jew-themed posts from yesterday! And please note that we resisted to urge to make a gang-rape joke!