Defamer Connections: 'Pirates' Pants-Plunderer Seeks Quickie Treasure

Impressive CGI sequences and box office shattering numbers aside, we at Defamer realize some of this summer's major releases may leave audiences feeling a little underserved. All the more credit, then, to an anonymous Craigslist patron who seeks to enhance his Pirates of the Caribbean viewing experience, but doesn't need expensive bells and whistles like 3-D IMAX sequences to do so:

ANYONE GOING TO VISTA THEATER TO SEE PIRATES? LOOKING TO PLAY W/ A GUY W/ A NICE BIG THICK COCK, WATCH YOU RUBBING N STROKING HOPEFULLY IF ITS NOT TO BUSY MAYBE SNEAK IN TO THE BATHROOM FOR A QUICKIE GIVE YOU A HOT BLOW JOB OR WE CAN HOOK UP AFTER MOVIE. IM 33 LATIN MASCULINE MAN 5'7,165,32W,HAZEL GRN EYES MUSTACHE N GOTEE LOOKING TO PLAY AND SUCK A GUY W/A HOT CLEAN COCK. IM STD N DRUG CLEAN U BE TOO. PLEASE REPLY W/YOUR FULL DESCRIPTION N PIC

Should our treasure seeker fail to find an adequately peg-legged matey, however, he can always focus on the on-screen character of Davy Jones, whose writhing, tentacled face should amply provide the hyperphallic visual stimulus he seems to crave.