Disney Announces Forthcoming Cast Member MassacreDisney has opted for a novel way to celebrate the happy occasion of Pirates of the Caribbean 2's unprecedented opening weekend gross: by cutting down production and shitcanning a large chunk of its personnel. Variety heralds the carnage to come:

The Mouse House will announce within the next 10 days that it's cutting back on the number of films it makes to around eight per year — it currently releases around 18 — and will substantially reduce its workforce. All movies will be Disney-branded, meaning companies like Touchstone could be vastly diminished.

The cutbacks will be far greater than many anticipated, as Walt Disney Studios chairman Dick Cook looks to reinvent the architecture of his studio. Move reflects an effort to improve the studio's return on investment and get infrastructure back into line.

Suddenly, CEO Bog Iger's Monday morning urging of his employees to "savor" Pirates 2's record-breaking achievement seems forbodingly sinister; if any Disney cast members receive an invitation from Iger or Cook to attend a celebration to "thank" the staff for all the hard work they contributed to the movie's success, they should quickly gather their things and escape the lot, knowing that they've narrowly avoided a gruesome massacre disguised as a cheery ice cream social.