Yesterday, Us Weekly's blog teased the magazine's story on Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' recent trip to Telluride, where Holmes revealed to a reporter that possibly nonexistent offspring Suri was "doing great!" [exuberance hers], a brief status update meant to reinforce the public's belief that the baby actually exists. The complete Us story provides some quotes from Telluride residents who claim to have seen (or know someone who claims to have seen) the possibly mythical creature that has captured a skeptical country's imagination:
Of course, the more the family stays inside, the more Telluride talks. Recently, residents have started swapping Suri stories like sightings of Big Foot. "People heard that a hiker stumbled upon Katie breast-feeding," says a source. "But no one remembers the hiker's name." A waitress also swears to Us she saw the duo hiking with Suri: "She exists! I saw her thick black hair." And Josh Williams, a clerk at natural-goods store ReStore Our World claims he's seen her, telling Us, "Suri is funny-looking. Her fingers are small."
Until that anonymous hiker's remains are found (probably in a shallow grave by a creek, with what's left of the body covered in tiny teething marks), or someone steps forward with compelling evidence of the funny-looking, small-fingered, fur-covered infant's existence, we'll have to dismiss these vague reports as nothing more than tall tales spun by locals trying to have some fun with the nosy Hollywood types snooping around their town. Really, all that's missing is the town drunk's suspect, gin-drenched report that the baby rides a unicorn to the mercantile each day to pick up fresh diapers.