We were recently directed to PX This., the "witty, irreverent (star-studded) four year journal of a struggling New York commercial-artist/fashion-designer moonlighting as a maitre d' at some of Manhattan's most well-known restaurants." While perusing its contents, we came upon the following entry (all contents completely [sic]):

the next night i had drinks with the GM of another "hot" restaurant here in the city and it turns out he also had dinner at aVoce not one full week before me. and he hated it too. and i mean REALLY hated it he launched into a violent twenty minute dissertation on every crappy aspect of his dining experience i am not even kidding. the end result being we both agreed frank-bruni is a big stupid clueless fuckwad. oh ! and that reminds me— a "hot" restaurant proprietor i know who also recently dined at aVoce had this to say and i quote: "... the review was so unbelievably glowing, i was thinking as i was reading it that Frank Bruni must be totally in love with this boy." don't get me wrong now. i'm actually very sorry poor little aVoce has to suffer the brunt of my disdain for frank-bruni. even though i did truly dislike aVoce intensely, it's really frank-bruni i despise about a hundred times more. because FRANK BRUNI = AMANDA HESSER + A PENIS

Well, there you have it. We've yet to dine at aVoce, so we'll refrain from judging the restaurant, but if that assertion is, in fact, the case, it explains a whole lot. Is Frank Bruni Amanda Hesser with a penis? Very possible. If you load up a primate on caffeine, gave it a microphone, and stick it in Times Sqaure, does it become David Carr? We're betting yes. To that end we've put together a brief chart of Times equations which we'd like to share with you. Please print and save for easy reference.

'New York Times' Staff Explained For Math Majors

The Blahg [PX This.]