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Wherein we invite our readers to risk the loss of multiple digits by plunging their hands into the piranha-infested aquarium stocked by humpy E! gossip-Neptune Ted Casablanca, hoping to emerge grasping the solution to his weekly blind item. This morning, Ted weaves a tale of a gay husband (hmm. gay husbands seem to be going around today!) who finally shared his secret sodomy hobby with his willfully oblivious wife. Spritz yourself with the alluring scent of One Quelle Surprise Blind Vice:

Ted sez: "More fun, in my jaded book, would be Plumper Dumper's newfound cojones. But let me, uh, back up first, 'kay? Mr. Dumper, also a man known more for his male-on-male activities than his female goings-on, flabbergasted more than a few of us fruits when he married Bertha Broom-Rider. Suddenly, P.D. attempted to be more discreet in his fraternizing 'n' fellah-collecting—activities he did not curb once he walked down the aisle with B.B.R. Though few expected him to, 'course." Read the item.

You say: Send your guesses to tips[AT] with "blind" in the subject line, and we'll post the results later today.