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Pamela Anderson, crusader on behalf of fryer-bound chickens everywhere, posted an entry in her website diary today in which she announced her plans to marry longtime on-again, off-again boyfriend and Scott Stapp sex-tape consort, Kid Rock:

7/18/2006 I'm Getting Remarried!!!

Yes. I'm finally getting's been a whirlwind...spontaneous but well thought through. Feels like I've been stuck in a time warp. Not able to let go of MY family's been sad and lonely and frustrating....I've raised my kids alone in hope of a miracle. Well my miracle came and went. And came back and came back because he knew that I'd wake up one day and realize that I was waiting for nothing.

I'm moving on...I feel like I'm finally free....I'm in love. I'm happy....I see the light...sounds dramatic but it's true.....I know some women can relate to this....My children are getting older. They know the truth and they are strong, smart kids. They love their Dad. They love their new Step Dad who they've known for years...time will pass. Wounds will heal. Some people may never grow up. Actions speak louder than!

We think we're tearing up here...nothing quite squeezes genuine emotion from the desiccated husk of our hearts than delusional optimism expressed in a run-on string of recycled cliches and fifth-grade-level romantic sentiments. We want nothing more than to believe that this time, things are different, and that Rock is truly the butt-rocker of a maturing girl's dreams.