Crazy 'Us Weekly' GuyTM Buys Engagement Ring at Kay Jewelers

For the past few days, we've been letting you into the world of Crazy Us Weekly GuyTM, a man who communicates with God, is soulmates with Jessica Alba, and can make Us Weekly an even bigger success if we'd just put him in touch with Us EIC Janice Min. When he first emailed Gawker, we stupidly asked for more details, which prompted Crazy Us Weekly GuyTM to send us over 200 pages of intense explanation (plus a handy Excel spreadsheet), all of which we're sharing with you.

Yesterday we delved into Part I of Crazy Us Weekly Guy'sTM mind-blowing analysis of why he's destined to be with Alba; today we'll pick up where we left off, moving onward into Parts II and III. In these installments, Crazy Us Weekly GuyTM lists signs 13 through 39 that have lead him to Alba (for the first time, we actually feel sorry for the girl) and eventually drags Janice Min into the mix. After all, Us Weekly is the Crazy Us Weekly Guy'sTM "destiny."


sign 13

deepak's book "soulmate" (mentioned above) has characters named raj, maja, and molly. the cover design of his book is by honi werner, and the cover painting is by eveyln de morgan.

raj is short for raja, and the director of jessica's movie never been kissed was raja gosnell,
jessica plays a character named maya in the tv series flipper
jessica plays a character named molly in the movie idle hands
jessica plays a character named honey daniels in the movie honey, and honey's mother is named eveyln

the message is:

jessica alba ( raj, maya, molly, honey, eveyln) is your soulmate.

and this book, soulmate, was published before jessica's movie honey even came out.

an R looks like a distorted "12," an "a" is the 1st letter of the alphabet, and my soulmate's initials are J.A. and a "2" looks like a mirror image of "S." thus the name RAJA = 12 1 JA is code for J.A. is the one (1).

the back cover of deepak's book, soulmate. listed on it are the names: raj, maya, molly, honi, and eveyln, all UNIQUE names associated with jessica alba. and the name MORGAN is also on this cover; morgan freeman played GOD in bruce almighty. therefore the message is: jessica alba is your soulmate - GOD.
sign 14

in the children's book of myths and legends, on page 71, in bold letters is the sentence "love and marriage."

jessica and i are 7 years and 1 day apart (71) in age.

this is on page 71, though the number isn't visible. you will be able to see that when you look at the book sign 15

in us weekly, issue 5/15/06, on page 38 is an ad for absolut vodka. on the next page (page 39), is jessica alba.

the first message is:

jessica alba sol = jessica alba soulmate.

the second message is in the word vodka. MIT (a school famous for science, which i will explain the significance of later) makes their "u's" look like "v's." because of this, "u" and "v" are interchangeable.

"k" is short for "okay."

"a" is the 1st letter of the alphabet

therefore, the word vodka, becomes the message:

do, ok?, u 1 =

"i do. you're the one, okay?"

look at the word ABSOLUT [vodka]:

Tee is what you hit a golf ball off of, jessica golfs
U = you
ABS = absolute

so the message becomes "you and t (=jessica) absolute soulmates"
the ad for the absolut vodka, is on page 38. this is no accident. this is kind of a joke between me and god, that it is going to take 3.8 seconds for jessica to say yes "i want to marry you."

this is an aside, i've been working on my proposal for a while, and first i had the idea of being married to jessica after several years of dating. then years became months, months became days, then days became hours. then hours became one hour. then i thought to myself "why can't i make it instantaneously?" god told me then "1 minute." then one minute became a few seconds, then finally god said "3.8 seconds." this number comes up frequently, and it refers to winning over a person (in this case jessica, my soulmate) at the speed of light.

the fact that a bottle of vodka is on page 38 (=3.8 seconds) is a clear sign to me, that my affect on jessica alba will be intoxicating - a bottle of vodka!

and now, i'm planning on making it instantaneously, "yes!" even less than 3.8 seconds.

lastly, and this is cute, on the ad for the vodka bottle is the word "proof." as in god is offering some proof to the world.

sign 16

in an article by entertainment, the title reads "jessica alba engaged to marry cash warren?" but the article is by mike baron.

there are 2 meanings. the first one is that an r almost looks like an incomplete upper case F. so the writer's name becomes mike baFon. rearranged, that name becomes mike bonaF, which looks like my name, [redacted]

the second meaning is that my first love was when i was 18. r is the 18th letter of the alphabet. and so r is a symbol for 1 - 1st love. then the name becomes mike ba1on, rearranged that is:

mike bona 1 = mike bona is the one = mike [redacted]is the one!

sign 17

my dentist's number (who resides in hartford, ct) is 714-2814.

jessica and i are 7 years and 1 day apart (71) in age
4281 is jessica's birthday
4 is short for 4-ever

so the message is:

mike and jessica (71, 4281) forever

this sign has another [intuitive] meaning. god is saying "it's like pulling teeth getting people to believe these signs are real."

sign 18

i went back to school (UMASS) to get a masters, and i live on campus. i live on the 4th floor of a building located at 286 sunset ave.

4th floor, 286 sunset = 4286s unset. a 6 looks like an uppercase G, and a G sounds like a J, so the message becomes:

428 6s = 428 jes

jessica's birthday is 4/28.

and in the office of my building is a painting with the word 1981 on it. so the complete message becomes:

428 1981 Gs = 428 1981 jes, which is exactly her birthday.

god organizes events to happen. i live on the 4th floor of a building, 286 Sunset ave, so that becomes 428 GS (=Jes), then this painting found it's way in my building, making the complete message 4/28/1981 GS = 4/28/1981 JS.
sign 19

the editor of us weekly is janice min. the editor of a magazine is number #1, and a is the first letter of the alphabet.

therefore, janice min #1 becomes jm a, which becomes:

JMA - my soulmate's initials.

sign 20

jessica's current boyfriend is named cash warren. at umass, there is a building named cashin, and my doctor's name (also at umass) is warren morgan. i found out his first name when i saw him, when i got a prescription from him.

therefore the name cashin warren = cash warren forms.

i'm sure the building cashin was created many, many years before jessica alba and cash warren became a couple (they've only been dating for less than 2 years), and dr. warren morgan is in his late 40's/early 50's.

god organizes events (anything and everything) to form messages for me. the above sign strongly implies a sense of destiny, that it is destiny for me and jessica to be together. my school, umass, looks like umags = us magazine (an "s" looks like a handwritten lowercase "g"), which also strongly implies that us magazine is destiny for me.

cashin = cash (the first name of jessica's boyfriend). i didn't look for this. i noticed this building because it was on the bus route of a bus i take when i don't use my car. unlike john nash from a beautiful mind, i never "look" for signs - they always find ME.

i didn't look for doctor's, thinking i might find a sign. i never look for signs - they always find ME. i picked this doctor because the time was convenient, and when he wrote me a prescription, i noticed his first name was warren. thus cash warren forms.
sign 21

e! news is at 7 and 11 PM. = 7 11 = 71 1

7 years and 1 day (71) is our age difference, so the message becomes:

jessica (71) is the one.

look at the phrase E! News E! this forms the message "we see! ene! (as in anything! - what do you want?!). ew is backwards for we, as in we see. i've got to have faith!

sign 22

there is a small biography written about jessica alba. on the back cover, are the names of other people's biography.

they are:

frankie muniz
hayden Christensen
jessica alba
melissa joan hart
rachael leigh cook

hayden christensen plays anakin skywalker, the chosen one, in the star wars series. i realized jessica alba was the one, at my friend micah's (pronounced mica) place in california. this sign forms the message:

jessica alba

= jessica alba is the one (while at micah's place).

there is another sign related to this. micah lives with a guy named phil. both of them were my fraternity brothers at my first school, RPI. there's a word sign, 6 flags amusement park.

FLAGS FL A GS GS 1 fil =

jes is the one (phil's place). remember, "A" is the 1st letter of the alphabet.
more completely, the message becomes:

"jessica alba is the one" (micah and phil's place)

sign 23

there is an iced tea product by 4C. it makes 28 quarts. ("a" is the 1st letter of the alphabet, makes = m1ke)

the message is:

mike, 4281 te A = 4281 te 1 = jessica alba is the one.

jessica's birthday is 4/28/81, and she golfs (you hit a golf ball off a TEE).

sign 24

i have a photo of a license plate of a car in my parent's neighborhood (the place where i grew up). it reads

896 jes

89 is a pointer to ME (in jessica's movie honey, the character michael [who also wore a fila shirt = michael fila = michael [redacted]]).

and the number 6 is a symbol for faith (from a book by an author a.h. almaas...god uses symbols/code to speak meaning to me).

the message is

"michael fila (=michael [redacted]), have faith, that you'll be with jessica."

an "8" looks like a "B" and a "9" looks like a handwritten lowercase "g." 6 is a code for faith. the message also is "I beg you to have faith [regarding jes]" - don't quit.

this is a screenshot from jessica's movie "honey." this character's name is michael, and in another scene (see pg. 13) , he is wearing a FILA shirt, forming "michael fila = michael bonafilia." therefore, 89 is code for ME.

sign 25

at umass, i had a teaching assistant named meenal bagla. her initials are my initials (M.B.) and within her name is the name alba, jessica's last name.

sign 26

i have a dictionary - the new oxford american dictionary. in this dictionary, frequently the pages that words fall on form messages. the word diamond (=symbol of engagement) falls on page 471. this is not a coincidence.

7 years and 1 day is our age difference, and 4 is short for 4-ever. the message is "mike and jessica (71) forever engaged."

it's not a coincidence that diamond falls on a page that forms a message: 71 (=mike and jessica, our age difference), 4-ever engaged. god can organize a seemingly infinite number of elements.
sign 27

the word marriage falls on page 1047. '74 is my birthday (read from right to left), and "J" is the 10th letter of the alphabet, 4 looks like an "A."

so the message is "JA 74 marriage."

look at the word in the upper right: marriage portion...the letters "ti" look like "h," therefore "tion" = hon = honey, and the letters "port" = poor rt = poor writer. the message "marry poor writer, honey." - jessica would marry me even if i was a poor writer...i'll go into this later.
sign 28

the word soulmate falls on page 1628. 6 looks like a G, G sounds like a J. if you wrap the number 1628 around, it becomes 6281 = GS 281 = jes 281 (her birthday). the word sound is also on that page. the ratio of the speed of an object to the speed of sound is called mach. a is the 1 letter of the alphabet, h is the 8 letter of the alphabet, and 8 looks like a B. therefore, mach becomes m1cB = mic B, my name.

the message is GS 281 and mic B soulmates =

jes 281 and mike b. soulmates

the word soulmate is on this page, as is the word sound mach mic b = mike b.
sign 29

jessica is on the cover of rolling stone magazine. the word epidemic is also on the front cover, and on the back cover is the phrase "you're the one."

the message becomes (from jessica):

"mike (mic) - you're the one."

"mic" (=mike) is contained within the word "epidemic," in the upper right corner.

this is the back cover of rolling stone. on the front cover is jessica, the word mic (=mike), and on the back cover is the phrase: "you're the one." the message is "mike, you are the one - jessica."
sign 30

my car windshield was smashed a few months ago, and my insurance company sent me to a company called safelite autoglass, in east hartford, ct. in the waiting area was a mike and ike candy machine, and above that, was a poster of weather.

the message becomes "mike weather" = michael weatherly, the name of jessica's fianc when she starred in dark angel (they have since split up).

i don't have a picture of this, but i'm sure a reporter could get one.
sign 31

our birthdays are one day apart - 4/27 and 4/28. this was the first "coincidence" that i received, and it was enough to give me faith that we'd be together.

sign 32

a book was written on the making of star wars episode i. in that book, on page 75, it is mentioned that the name of the company that was created to make that movie was JAK productions. JAK are the initials of george lucas' 3 children.

JA are the initials of my soulmate's name, jessica alba, and i bought her engagement ring at Kay (K) jewelers. i bought the ring, before i discovered this book, and i bought her ring completely spontaneously (at Kay) while looking for a necklace.

JAK - J.A. are jessica alba's initials, and K is short for Kay jewelers, the place i spontaneously (before i discovered this book) bought her engagement ring. this is like saying it was the will of god for this to happen. and jessica appears on page 56 of cosmo.
sign 33

jessica alba was in a tv series called dark angel. a CD of the soundtrack to dark angel was created. on that CD, the first song is the theme song, and it is 3:07 long. C is the 3rd letter of the alphabet, and sometimes sounds like an S, 7 looks like an L, upside down and inverted.

3:07 therefore becomes COL = SOL = soulmate.

jessica alba is my soulmate.

look at the 1st song - it's 3:07 long.
sign 34

jessica is on the cover of entertainment weekly, june 30/july 7, 2006. = 6 30 7 2006 = 6 3072 006.

i got a 72 on the first test of a circuits class i was taking (it's significant because i thought i did really badly on the first test and wanted to quit, but i couldn't without jeopardizing my financial aid, and so i stuck with it and ended up getting an A. the lesson is to not quit and to fight to make this a reality).

6 = faith
3072 = C07 = C0L = SOL = soulmate
3072 = me, and my first test

the message is that jessica and i are soulmates, and to not quit, and that this is a test of faith.

look in the upper right corner at the dates, and you'll see the sign.

sign 35

one of the fellows living in my building is named HIROTSUGU, and he lives in room number 428A. A is the 1st letter of the alphabet, therefore 428A becomes 4281 (=jessica's birthday). jessica golfs (and you hit a golf ball off of a Tee), and one of her characters was named su storm.

HIROTSUGU becomes HIRO T SU GU, so the message is, "i'm a hero to jessica, for saving her from her bad relationship." from my observations, this is true! she is in a bad relationship, though she is only 50% aware of that. when she becomes exposed to me, she will instantaneously realize that 100%.

hero (hiro) to jessica (su) 4281 (her birthday)

sign 36

the hours of the food store "big y" in amherst are 7 am to 11 pm. our age difference is 7 years and 1 day apart (71), and big y refers to "big YES," as in i will marry you. so the message becomes:

71 1 big y =

71 is the one, big yes (i.e. "will you marry me?" - "yes!")

[i will get a picture of this and scan it]
sign 37

on the SAME roll of film, i took 2 pictures. the first one was of a license plate 385 JSL, and the second was of a building - ALBANY auto.

JSL ALBANY = JS ALBA SL = jes alba, soulmate.

god uses everything and anything to communicate with me, including license plates on cars. ANY reporter to stick with me 24/7, could see this in REAL-TIME.

sign 38

jessica says in marie claire magazine, that if she didn't get something significant in acting by the time she was 18, she'd quit the business and go into marine biology. those are my initials, M.B.

what is being implied is that god intervened (she got dark angel when she was 17) because i (M.B.) am her soulmate. it's one of those moments where the universe intervenes so that a person's destiny is altered. if jessica did not get dark angel, she would have quit acting, and i would have never discovered my soulmate, nor realized the awesome possibilities of being a part of hollywood.

but she did get something significant (dark angel), and she didn't quit, and i discovered her, and here i am, writing this, now.

sign 39

when i don't use my car, the bus shuttle that i take to buy food is called the 37 AMITY shuttle. A is the 1st letter of the alphabet, and so 37 AMITY becomes 371.

7 years and 1 day are our age difference (71), and for a long time, jessica had 37 appearances. i have the 37 appearances in one of my journals. so this is a sign of God's will:

jessica (71) - 37 appearances

obviously the number 37 is eventually going to change, but for a long time it was fixed at 37 (i have this in my journal to prove it), and when i noticed this sign, it was 37.

Earlier: Gawker's Love Affiar With Crazy Us Weekly GuyTM