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Perhaps finally sensing that their deeply bizarre withholding of all physical evidence of newborn daughter Suri might be inducing widespread skepticism about the baby's existence, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes dispatched Scientologist pal and OTR III Infant Actuality Verificationist Leah Remini to enturbulate the suppressive offspring-deniers at Us Weekly with counfoundingly vague descriptions of the child she claims to have seen:

"She's a newborn and normal size," Remini said in an interview that will be featured in the new issue of the magazine that hits newsstands Friday.

"Tom and Kate ... want to have a life and raise their baby," Remini said. "They're normal parents."

Suri is "a cross between the two, [with] dark, straight hair and dark eyes," another pal said to the magazine.

Unfortunately, even Remini's vivid accounting of Suri's "newborn, normal-sized" physicality will do little to change the minds of conspiracy theorists who believe Suri to be three years old and/or 50 feet tall; delusional crackpots like these will continue to ignore the total absence of proof of her existence in the name of reflexive skepticism. Equally unfortunate is Remini's description of Cruise and Holmes as "normal parents," a wild, credibility-destroying claim that instantly undermines any good her mission as the couple's ambassador to the Suri-doubting world may have accomplished.

Bonus Frankenbaby Section: Too impatient to wait for Suri to show up in public? Build your own!