We're going to cross our fingers and hope that you read the paper before you brushed your teeth this morning: Turns out that our fabled New York City tap water is suffering from turbidity, or, as The Times describes it, "clouded by particles of clay, washed into upstate reservoirs by violent storms in quantities that make the water look like chocolate Yoo-hoo." (We would have gone with "doody juice," but, you know, we're not The Times.)
In any event, the more of this article you read, the more alarmist and sensational it seems. Even as we speak, the city is dumping a shitload of chemicals into the water so that it meets federal standards. At worst - worst! - the city will have to build a new filtration system. And, you know, what? We're New Yorkers. We can handle it. In fact, we're pretty sure that this morning, rather than tap water, you rinsed your mouth out with the blood of your enemies. (Or, if you live in Williamsburg, Axe Body Spray.) Let's be honest, every meal we eat that we don't prepare at home contains about ten per cent piss - we're gonna be scared of a little mud?