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We know we have it easy, sitting here at home, stereotypically pajama-clad and content to avoid places with cubicles and/or workspaces. Though our bathrooms are hardly beacons of Scrubbing Bubbles, we also know we are blessed in that when we inevitably choose to relieve our bodies of the fragrant waste we carry, we may do so in the privacy of our own homes. We've no one to answer to but ourselves, and we'll piss on the toilet seat when we damn well please.

But the emails we've received from one workplace, where employees are essentially on shitter lock-down, serves as a harrowing reminder of the challenge you readers face every day: the communal bathroom. At Bridal Guide magazine, errant employee urine (we'll spare you the speculation about bridal-mag spinsters and incontinence) has resulted in the locking of the restroom door, wherein employees may only take their post-coffee dumps with the office manager's permission and keys.

After the jump, the Potty Nazi gives everyone gets a "time-out."

——-Original Message——-
From: Office Manager @ Bridal Guide
Sent: Wednesday, July 19, 2006 4:05 PM
To: All Female Employees
Subject: Bad Behavior
Importance: High

I don't know if it is the heat or what, but some of us are forgetting our manners - not to mention hygiene.

There have be two instances this week where the conditions in the ladies rest room qualify for condemnation by the Health Department.

Come on Ladies - I know it is hot at and we are all dragging a bit - but if you are too tired to not only clean up after yourself, but aim properly, I suggest you go see your doctor!

This is not funny! It is disgusting and totally disrespectful to your fellow co-workers who share these facilities. I would also be interested in who the guilty party(s) thinks should clean up after their disgraceful behavior!

If this should happen again - I will lock the door and you will have to ask me for a key to use the ladies room.

Further notices on this subject will go to ALL employees of Bridal Guide and not just the women!

——-Original Message——-
From: Office Manager @ Bridal Guide
Sent: Wednesday, July 19, 2006 4:51 PM
To: All Female Employees
Subject: FW: Bad Behavior
Importance: High

Nice job! Whoever left the tampon applicator/wrapper in the toilet - if you were trying to find out how far you can push me - congratulations, now you know.

Starting July 31, 2006 the ladies room will be locked during business hours from 9-5. The only reason you are getting a week's reprieve is because I am on vacation next week.

You had better hope the trains work better in the next few weeks than they have this week (due to heat) because the ladies room will not be open until I get here.

There will be NO passing the key to another person. The key will come back to me and not passed on. I will inspect the ladies room before the next person is allowed to use it. If I am very busy and cannot get to it, the next person must let me know if there is a problem or they will be considered the responsible party.

Way to go!