Haley Joel Osment Finally Grows Up

We were ready to assume that awkwardly maturing former child actor Haley Joel Osment's car crash had little in common with yesterday's accident involving a perpetually troubled lesser Baldwin, as we were momentarily paralyzed by the unpleasant image of the coal-eyed teen trapped in his overturned vehicle (which, incidentally, each report we've read positively identified as a 1995 Saturn, as if to suggest Osment's slowing career is responsible for his modest choice in conveyance) after jumping a curb and striking a brick mailbox pillar.

But then we watched the video of the local news report on the accident, and our na vet (not our not-so-little-anymore Haley!) was exposed, as the police are investigating the possibility that alcohol played a role in the late-night incident. We trust that the similarities to Baldwin's high-speed crack-up end there, for we don't know that our fragile psyches could ever recover from the idea that Haley Joel had to be coaxed to the ground by a gun-wielding cop, but also can't help but feel a totally inappropriate sense of pride about Osment finally deciding to raise his profile by appropriating the tabloid-attracting tactics of his less talented peers. We sense this could be the beginning of a huge comeback.