Because we have determined that there are not nearly enough places on the internet to see photographs of fabulous people enjoying fabulous times at our city's most...fabulous...events, we dispatched photographer Amy Rodrigue to kick off our new Defamer PartyWatch feature* by attending Jane magazine's party for its Clothes Off Our Back-benefiting "Naked Issue" at a private residence (read: obscenely large home) in Beverly Hills last night, assuring her she would not be allowed to return to Defamer HQ until she'd captured the image of at least one Hilton. (Mission accomplished, but in an ironic twist, Nicky Hilton's picture did not make the cut for this photoset. You know what she looks like by now.) And because our research further determined that "you people" don't care about words when there are pretty pictures to gawk at, we usher you forward to the gallery of fabulous photographs featured after the fabulous! jump:
[*To invite us to drink your free booze and take pictures of your guests, send an e-mail to firstname.lastname@example.org. It's that easy!]
Project Runway's One Who Should've Been Thrown Off Instead Of The Creepy Pseudo-Euro One laughs loudly to distract Jane Naked Issue star Heidi Klum from the fact that she's clenching the buttocks Runway season two runner-up Santino Rice. Klum, however, catches a glimpse of the ass-grab and shrieks loudly until security arrives.
The first thing that PR firm Rogers & Cowan teaches its recruits during media training is that in party photographs, the viewer's eye is automatically drawn to the publicist who smiles the biggest while simultaneously trying to lean into the middle of the frame.
Event promoter and DJ Franki Chan keeps his hand poised over the record he will scratch to signal the beginning of the evening's first catfight.
Every time these Jane staffers told a guy they work for the magazine, they politely pretended that his insistence that they get "totally naked" to celebrate their special issue was the first time they'd heard that come-on.
We know that your eyes never traveled past the middle of the above photograph, so we're not even going to bother with a caption.
If Topher Grace had known that we're going to post highly erotic photos of him sucking on Ashton Kutcher's toes later today, he'd probably have never agreed to take this picture with our photographer.
Writer Charlie Amter's didn't realize that his finger-gun was jammed with a cigarette, and that when he tried to open fire on our photographer, the hand-shrapnel resulting from the blockage would kill both him and Teen People's Shirley Halperin.
Without swag, a party is nothing more than a bunch of people standing around and drinking free booze. With swag, a party is a bunch of people standing around, drinking free booze, and dangling bags full of crap they don't want from their elbows.
There were at least two dudes at this party who have not appeared on Project Runway.
The rules on this are quite clear: If there is a pool on the premises at a party, someone must demonstrate how "crazy" he is by jumping into it.
Project Runway's Robert Best tries to convince Heidi Klum that designing tiny outfits for Barbie is no different than designing full-size outfits for statuesque Teutonic models.
To the best of our knowledge, Brandon Davis did not insult the pubic hair of any red-headed party guests. He did, however, sweat profusely. One out of two ain't bad.