Paris Hilton is a real person with real feelings, so when a baby launches a cruel brown torpedo attack on her while she's trying to wash his hair, it hurts, OK? [via Yeeeah!]
· And the award for Least Sentimental Death Announcement goes to Jack Warden's business manager, for: "Everything gave out. Old age. He really had turned downhill in the past month; heart and then kidney and then all kinds of stuff."
· Rosario Dawson won't stop until every comic book nerd on earth masturbates only to her image.
· Even after reading this handy scorecard, we can't decide if M. Night Shyamalan or Kevin Smith is the bigger crybaby.
· If you're going to secretly videotape a guy jacking off into a plastic cup at your sperm bank, you should at least offer him more than $100 per deposit.
· Georgia Rule director Garry Marshall finally finds a way to prevent star Lindsay Lohan from chopping lines in her trailer in between takes.