• If there were a lesbian tryst that no one in the world would ever want to imagine, it'd involve the ladies of The View. Nevertheless, they'll push the issue while they can, as once Rosie O'Donnell shows up as resident bulldyke, the lesbo jokes will have to stop. God forbid O'Donnell took them seriously on the matter. [Lowdown (2nd item)]
• But if Rosie wants a shot at Oprah, why not? The lady doth protest too much on the matter of Gayle King, after all. [TMZ]
• Leonardo DiCaprio helps the cripples see Madonna. As your heart melts, allow us to salute his publicist Ken Sunshine for this impeccable placement. Flawless execution! Bravo! [Page Six]
• If you look like crap, rest assured that Kirsten Dunst will let you know. Even if you're a complete stranger. [R&M (bottom of page)]
• Miss Puerto Rico Zuleyka Rivera Mendoza faints 40 minutes after being crowned Miss Universe. Doctors blame her tight dress and heavy, calcified breasts. [Us Weekly]
• So Linda Evangelista may have been artificially inseminated — honestly, who the hell cares? It's 2006, find us a pregnancy that didn't involve a petri dish. [Page Six]
• In its own review of Tabloid Wars, the News just can't resist poking at former-stringer Hud Morgan. [NYDN]

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