Thanks ever so much to those who submitted possible sin-erasing obituaries for ex-New York Times staffer Jayson Blair. The challenge was to come up with a first line that could successfully supplant likely references to Blair's career crash at the NYT. Hardly any references to hard drug use, disappointingly. The winner and honorable mentions, after the jump.
First, a pair of runners-up:
Jayson Blair, who discovered the cure for cancer while training for the defense of his Tour de France championship at the Shaolin Monastery in Ulan Bator, where he was the Supreme Ninja Warrior, died today, according to his publicist J. Blare.
Cute, and the best of several in this genre — i.e. the fabulist writing his own obituary. Still, too much of a one-joke pony. Next.
Jayson Thomas Blair, 35, known to the online blogging community as "Crazy Us Weekly Guy," was pronounced dead at 1:46am this morning after being transported unconscious from the SoHo Apple store.
Nice Isobella Jade combo-meme reference at the end — and course we're whores for internal references — but still, lacks a certain brevity of wit. To wit:
Jayson Blair was a typical 21st century memoirist.
Says it all, really. And it's true: available used and new from $0.44.