Having already seen the first episode and read countless reviews of Bravo's Tabloid Wars, the docu-series focusing on the journalistic drama hive that is the Daily News, we were all excited to write some sort of live-blog or insightful review of last night's premiere. But alas, there's only so much one can say when every. freaking. media. outlet. has hyped the show beyond proportion (ourselves included), leaving room for no new conclusions or original insights — other than that the handsome visage of Deputy Metro editor Greg Gittrich shall forevermore grace our bedroom walls. Forget the show's other standout individuals, and let it now be declared: Gittrich is this town's official Working Class Hottie.
Beyond Gittrich's compelling world, the show has its highs: hero-reporter Kerry Burke musing on what kind of store "Bahneys" might be; gossips George Rush and Joanna Molloy practicing good parenting while their son Eamon cruises the internet; coverage of Christian Slater's grope-gate; breaking news of a Howard Beach hate crime (for which Fat Nick Minucci was sentenced just last week to 15 years — excellent timing. Did Bravo producers pay off the courts?).
But with the good comes the insufferably bad: the crushing pain of realizing the Post has beaten the News on the thieving De Niro maid story; the secondhand embarrassment of watching EIC Michael Cooke claim the caricature of him on a nearby Post billboard is too fat (and the even worse embarrassment of Cooke's slurred speech, suggestive of his gin-filled colostomy bag); the confusion of a "Don't Mess With Texas" sticker on an office file cabinet; the agony of watching Hud Morgan suggest a story on "model DJs...because they seem neither good at modeling nor DJing."
But throughout the episode's tumult and various story lines, there is but one man holding the show together — and contrary to what other reviews may say, it's not lovable Masstard reporter Kerry Burke nor is it bewildering preptard fluffer Hud Morgan. This show is nothing without luscious Greg Gittrich. WHO IS THIS ADORABLE MAN? Google tells us nothing. What's his story? Single? Married? (We thought we saw a wedding band, but we're in denial.) Is he straight? Gay? Switch-hitter? It doesn't matter — when we set our DVR, we're setting it for Greg. All further Tabloid Wars coverage will thus be pegged to this 100% all-beef, love thermometer.