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Wherein we invite our readers to grab the nearest whip and folding chair and attempt to tame feral E! gossip-lion Ted Casablanca with a couple of nasty lashes and some savvy guesses as to the identity of his weekly blind item. Torn between his twin loves of closeted actors engaged in sodomy-based shenanigans and actresses with a healthy appetite for powdered narcotics, Ted offers blind dirt on both subjects. Unload both shotgun barrels on Two Old-School Blind Vices:

Ted sez: "Okay, okay, so I will do—so to speak—the guy dish first: See, there's this boob-tube celeb who's, like, rather good-looking. Meatless Member has a nice face. Decent arms 'n' legs, sweet smile—but not exactly a whole lotta sausage cookin' in the kitchen down below. I mean, it was very nervy of M.M. to start having sex with other guys in the pool, what with every bitchy fag around, just waiting to spill the beans with no frank, as it were...

"As is Shellack Attack's latest man-romping move. I mean, many folks know Shellack's got a thing for the showier, naughtier boys—despite S.A.'s heart o' gold appeal. And this latest romance Ms. A.'s so very visibly involved in is hardly the surprise in that regard." Read the item.

You say: Send your guesses to tips[AT] with "blind" in the subject line, and we'll post the results later today.