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No matter how hard we try, we just can't dodge stories about how some of our sweltering city's most celebrated citizens are beating the botulinum-incinerating heat. An operative sends in this report of another notorious partier seeking the air-conditioned safety of a local Starbucks before her accessory-dog burst into flames:

Saturday the 22nd of July at Starbucks in Larchmont.

Sitting there working diligently on my laptop, enjoying the reprieve from the sweltering heat. Woman comes in, kind of tall, white top, too-short white skirt, big white bag. Looked like a rock star or a rock star's wife. Her friend/assistant/dog holder follows right behind and the Starbucks girl stops her at the door - "I'm sorry, but you can't bring your dog in here. It's the health code. We'll get fined." Pleads the lady in white, volume escalating: "But it's so hot outside! What if I put him in my bag?" "Nope, sorry." "What if I zip up the bag?!" "Nope, sorry." Clearly irritated, the lady in white comes up with this brilliant argument: "Well, I saw the Simple Life and Paris Hilton took her dog into a Starbucks. If she can, why can't I?!"

The woman: Courtney Love. Ordering up a big cup of crazy with a splash of chai.

The brave barista was correct in being unfazed by Love's desperate argument, for we all know that Paris Hilton revealed weeks ago that the Simple Life is nothing but a basic cable construct populated by fictional characters, and the referenced Starbucks obviously just an illusory oasis of canine-permissiveness erected to expedite a story about Hilton's hilarious inability to operate an industrial espresso machine. Even so, we're pleasantly surprised that there was no mention of Love hurling the dog at her green apron-clad tormentor, suggesting that she ultimately complied with the no-dogs policy. All those trips to rehab certainly seem to be paying dividends in the area of impulse control.